Friday, November 6, 2009
Observation
I went to the street fest in downtown Eustis for a short time tonight and it was there that I realized something about myself. I am an observer. I don't know exactly when it happened or even if it's a bad thing, but I am not a doer, I'm an observer. I like watching people. I watched people work, I watched people dance, I watched people interact with one another. I enjoyed myself, but had no desire to work, dance, or interact. In the past, I was right in there DOING. Hmmm, what do you think it means? Have I lost my zeal? Am I boring? Something to ponder.
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I think it's a season...maybe the last one, but a season none-the-less. Chuck keeps bothering me about canoeing with them. I did it B.C. (before children) but I have no desire to do it now. I am VERY HAPPY to watch them, shuttle them, fix food for them, and best of all - shoot them. I truly have no desire to be in there amongst them in the adventure. I think I'm realizing that I'm at a season that I couldn't quite understand my parents being at 30 years ago. You know, the one of just being content in watching the grand children, having you come to their house- no desire to travel. However, Mom and Dad Kimmig blow that theory to smitherins! They want to do it all!! They want to watch, they want to do. Mom more than Dad. They went to Alaska in July and Mom rode on a dog sled and took a helicopter ride! She's a hoot and my last lover and accepter of me just as I am!
ReplyDeleteHmmm, maybe it is a season as Rose suggested, or maybe you're maturing in other areas. Becoming more mindful? I can't answer that for you... Maybe you're evaluating or processing things deeper, maybe you're valuing and cherishing more- soaking it all in. Maybe you're processing this space without your Mom and where you fit- who you are becoming...?
ReplyDeleteA thought on what you said about your Mom's love and acceptance of who you are: it hit me what responsibility I have as a Mama to be that way for my girls. Sometimes I wonder if they feel that from me or if I just correct too much. "Use your words, not your tears", "May I...", "use your sweet voice please" and so it goes ALL DAY LONG. I'm trying to be more big picture these days and more purposeful in the way I choose to instruct, and then try and snuggle more at bed time. It's a hard line....I don't know. In the end, I want to look back and enjoy my children, but it would be nice if they also enjoyed me. ;) What do you think?